-Brian Mendonça
One of the takeaways for me at a talk I attended was
a line by the speaker. In the context of a decision he had made, the speaker
felt that his parent should also be informed about it. ‘He deserves to know,’
was the way he put it. I felt that we still live in a genteel society where the
feelings of others are taken into account.
The operative word to me was ‘deserves.’ What would make a person deserving of receiving some
information? -- perhaps because the person is close to the person wanting to
share the information. The person wanting to share the information was also
sensitive to the feelings of the other person (In this case, his father).
Very often in today’s world people do not practise
communication courtesies.
You may be sitting next to a person in office for a
long period of time. Then suddenly the chair is vacant. The person has left for
better prospects or has gone on leave. You get that sinking feeling when you
are the last to know. For some reason you feel betrayed. The person does not have to tell you. But the rancour
remains. It impinges on the relationship and you may choose to assess if it is
really worth having.
Many times in conversation people remark, ‘Oh, we
were in Goa a few days back.’ The fact that they did not have the courtesy of
informing you makes you feel that they had better things to do. Recently a
friend who had encamped in Goa emailed, ‘I am in Goa. Wanted to reach out to
old friends.’ We decided to meet and exchanged notes on life. This is in stark
contrast to a scenario where a person spotted his own relative on Facebook
holidaying in Goa, but was not informed by the relative that he would be in
Goa.
Information about opportunities is not often shared.
The point is that people come to know anyway and wonder why you did not share
the information in the first place.
In matters of illness, the patient has a right to
know what s/he is suffering from. Medical reports may not be shared with the
patient owing to his/her condition. In cases of terminal illness, the patient
deserves to know. Full disclosure is a good practice. Who would want to be
saddled with the burden of guilt of not telling a patient that her condition is
not curable? It makes it easier on the family as well. Everyone knows the time
is ticking.
Nowadays everyone thinks nothing of parading their
personal life on social media platforms. Here everyone deserves to know – or so they think. From the colour of
your nail polish to the wrinkle on your cheek, from the lettuce on your lace to
the dimple on your face, everyone must know.
Lastly, among loved ones, if you are late in coming
home, or if you won’t be coming for lunch – they deserve to know. Extend to
them that courtesy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------Published in Gomantak Times Weekender, Panjim, Goa on Sunday, 28th July 2019.
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