Brian Mendonça
Of the many events lined up in Goa in October so
far, I have seen none on domestic violence. This is despite the fact October is
the month for promoting awareness of domestic violence.
The extent to which domestic violence occurs in
homes is perhaps a closely guarded secret. For few would like to admit that one
is being abused or ill-treated by one’s own spouse, sibling or member of the
family.
Yet one cannot deny it exists. As testimonials by
survivors state, domestic violence is far more rampant and endemic than one
would care to admit.
Domestic violence ensues out of an unequal power
dynamic. The abusers are not habitual, so their behaviour is confusing to the
abused, says Dr. Peter Castelino, Director and Founder, Cause of Our Joy (COOJ)
whose aim is to promote mental health.
In the movie Secret
Superstar (2017) a teenage girl Insia, rescues her mother from domestic
abuse. She does this on the way to becoming a sensation on YouTube to which she
secretly posts videos of herself singing.
Generally speaking, domestic violence can be seen in
four ways, viz. 1.) extreme jealousy by the abuser 2.) the abuser controlling
what s/he does 3) threats; 4) emotional manipulation.*
Men are also at the receiving end of domestic violence.
Children are frequently abused emotionally and
physically. Because they are so trusting they fall prey to the evil intentions
of elders. If children live in a family where there is incidence of domestic
violence, they feel it is okay to be violent. A child may be at the receiving
end of an abusive parent who is working out his/her frustration on the child.
Ms. Auda Viegas of Bailancho Ekvott wonders why the word ‘domestic’ is coupled with
the word ‘violence.’ How can one be insecure in the very space that should be a
safe zone? She advises women not to be silent. ‘When you talk you are in a
different place. Once you talk, the pain comes out.’
Writing is also a valuable way of reconstructing
events. Advocate Albertina Almeida asks her clients to write about what happened.
She believes writing is cathartic. Just as abusers get more creative in
inflicting abuse, similarly lawyers have to be abreast of social media to track
the abuser on FB.
Even highly educated women endure domestic violence
in silence, says psychiatrist Belinda Viegas Muller. ‘How seriously do you take
your happiness?’ she asks. ‘What will people say? is the question that bothers
women who want to walk out of an abusive relationship. In an ideal relationship
both partners should believe that ‘My happiness is as important as your happiness.’
Help is at hand.
COOJ services include care for elders; suicide prevention;
rehabilitation, and community outreach. They also have a distress helpline 0832-2252525
from Mondays through Fridays from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. Societal apathy to mental illness is apparent,
as few volunteer to take a distress call. Because of this reason the helpline
service operates only for the stipulated hours.
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*www.naree.com Published in Gomantak Times, Weekender, Goa on Sunday 7 October 2018
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